The little goat

We looked at each other in silence. A chill ran through my body and I thought: how can love turn into so much hatred? The relationship began in high school; I used to explain math to her.

We decided to follow the same career: we would be lawyers.

When we were about to graduate, my mother told me: «You're not thinking of marrying him, are you?». I couldn't understand why they didn't get along, I'd known him since I was very young. Despite her efforts to separate us, we got married.

It was as if the spell had broken: a professional rivalry I never thought could exist between a couple, arguments, sterile reproaches that led nowhere. When the situation became unbearable, we decided to separate.

Fate had mischiefs in store for us that we couldn't have imagined.

We were having dinner when he began to cry silently. I can't stand women who cry; but he did it without any show, with real pain. I went to him, put my arms around his shoulders and said: «What's wrong? Don't you want to separate?».

«It was you who suggested it; I only accepted.» He looked at me. Stammering, I told him: «I'm pregnant». At that moment he let out a shout: joy, surprise, anger? I don't know; maybe all of it at once.

In the final months I had to stop working. The baby girl was born. What name would we give her? Mom wanted us to call her Nancy. A new argument. My daughter is named Nancy, she's fifteen; Juan José —she chose his name— is twelve.

Mom passed away; he didn't want to go to the wake, that was natural. My mother could never stomach him, in spite of which he went to the burial. That day it poured rain: in cities the rain doesn't matter much, in a cemetery it does.

Our life went on with the steady rhythm of a clock: nothing happened. Until I discovered that eyes could reflect so much hatred without a word. Then I noticed it was too late, as always.

In my memory the poet's words came back: «The little goat that runs to the hills, no goatherd can keep her». I decided my own fate, I separated. Now I am someone else. I am happy.